My audience left, and the flood of salty tears and uncontrollable snot came. A nurse came in the exam room to ask if I was okay, and I sobbed on her shoulder trying to explain: I knew this baby was to be our last, and I was crushed that we were having another boy. We'd prayed, read books, prayed more, timed things and according to my plan this baby was supposed to be a girl. A precious, cute girl with curly brown hair and a smile like a flash of lightening. I knew her, I'd seeing her in MY dreams, vividly, for years.
My situation became clear a few days later. I realized I was mourning more than the fact I would never be a smocked dress-black patent-shoes-braiding-hair-planning-a-wedding-girl-mama. I was carried away in a raging torrent of grief over my dream dying.
A wise friend called about a week later and told me, "Maybe God's making room for something else. Something you couldn't dream. Something better than YOUR dream..."
So five years ago, we had another boy. The one my precious yoga teacher promised in her thick Spanish accent would be a lover. The one my daddy prophesied I would love more than I could imagine.
But what I really got 5 years ago was fresh little pink toed perspective. Beginning to believe His plan is more magnificent than any dream I could ever conjure up.
Lib
linked to the most fabulous girl-mama to be, Lisa-jo
9 comments:
Lib, thank you for stopping by. It seems we have opposite stories today, doesn't it? All I could think about reading your post is that one day you will have four daugther-in-laws to love :)
Amen. Charlotte from Cowgirl Clippings.
Thank you for being so real in this post. Chiming in with Gaby!
I love your honesty :) Wow there was a lot of us pregnant or had just had babies 5 years ago :) I loved the last part that you wrote "..........Beginning to believe His plan is more magnificent than any dream I could ever conjure up."
So good for us to remember :)
And maybe God is going to allow you to be an awesome Mother-in-Love to your son's wives someday - maybe fill in the gap of what they may not have had in their lives. And maybe there is a girl somewhere along in your life who will need mothering from you. Be on the lookout! :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Wow. What a great post! I love how you just laid it out there. Thanks for sharing. :)
First of all, thank you for stopping by earlier. I am glad I came by to read yours as well. What fun 8 boys must be together, your own team in many sports :) thanks for being so open, God Bless!
Oh Liberty, this is awesome. God's ways are always best, aren't they? Besides, without him you couldn't have this uber-cool blog name! :)
Thanks for stopping by today.
I love this, Liberty! I never got to the 4th child stage. . . stopped at three boys, and was grateful to have to parent only one sex of child. But every now and then, I have a bit of a longing. I would've probably been an awful girl's mom, but it sounds so cool to think of having a daughter, doesn't it?
I'm proud of you for recognizing the goodness of God's plan. That puts you way ahead of most people in the world. I'm glad to be with you on the journey of becoming more like Jesus. It's a worthwhile journey, isn't it? But long. And sometimes hard. It's good to have companions on the way.
Love you, sweet girl!
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