July 15, 2009
A Boys’ House
By Emily Thomas
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
Over 10 years ago, my husband (I call him St. Joel) and I were expecting our first child. We couldn’t decide whether to find out what we were having during the routine ultrasound or wait until the big day to be surprised. I would have never admitted it to anyone back then, but all I could think was, “What on earth would I do with a BOY!!!” I honestly thought I might give the baby “bad vibes” if we found out it was a boy. I don’t like sports or video games or even outside all that much.
God got the last laugh. We now have 4 very masculine, testosterone-filled boys, ages 10, 8, almost 4 and almost 2. At the subsequent 3 ultrasounds, I was the one who had to reassure the technician that I was completely fine with what was abundantly clear on the screen.
I cannot imagine what a house full of girls would be like, but I know without a doubt, in A Boys’ House:
If something is lost, I will be the only person in the house who can find it.
Anything can and will be used as a weapon. Toothbrush, fork, paper towel roll, food.
No one really cares if their birthday party plates match their birthday party napkins.
There is no shortage of bodily noises. If those run short, they can use almost anything to simulate them.
If you turn on a TV, chances are you’re going to get ESPN or Star Wars.
Bumps, bruises and blood are routine.
There are no hair styling issues aside other than how short the summer buzz cut should be.
No one is ever full. Or quiet. Or tired.
There is a distinct, parallel language culled from video games, action figures and basic warfare.
Wardrobes consist of t-shirts, a couple of polos, shorts and khaki pants.
They are always entertained, even if it is just from fighting with each other. Or throwing something.
There is an endless supply of bathroom jokes and potty words.
Technical support for any electronic device is always available.
Life is always interesting, unpredictable and usually entertaining.