The Fine Print

I thought I knew what I was getting into when I had our first baby almost 10 years ago. I would have a cute little person to dress up in perfectly cute little outfits and push him around in my overpriced, fancy-pants stroller while carrying my fabulously fashionable diaper bag. I would take him to the doctor for checkups (never considered 2 sets of ear tubes, countless colds and stomach bugs, various other trips to various other medical professionals). I would take him to playdates and to the zoo and to get his first haircut. I never really thought past "baby" - 3 year old tops. The past 10 years have brought not only 3 more of these small male people, but also the cold, hard truth that there is a whole lot more to this whole thing.


Things they don't tell you before you have kids:

You might find one of them (around age 3) peeing in your bedroom floor for reasons only known to him.

You will be required to explain serious illness, death and the birds and the bees to them. Not necesarily in that order.

You might have to hold a baby on your lap while using the bathroom while talking on the phone.

You will want to punch the bully on the bus in the face.

You will be responsible for cutting all their fingernails.

You will have to hold them down for medical procedures including, but not limited to shots, finger sticks, spinal taps and allergy testing.

You will sit across a table in very small chairs while teachers talk to you about your children.

You will instinctively hold out your hands if your child throws up in public.

You might lose it and scream like a banshee before 8:00 AM.

Another day, another story,
Em